SueWorks

Where to Begin

I strongly believe that a baby is not a viable life until it is out of the uterus and I also feel deeply that a woman has the right to choose.  Another thing I know is that that birth control and sex education are the best tools for improving life in general.

All that said, last week we lost our first baby.  I'm not sure if I remember this correctly -- I was a little out of it -- but that same day was the 16th birthday of Craig's long separated daughter.  I think we lost a boy.  I don't know what to say or what to ask for.  I'm 42 and it's not going to get any easier.  I want to just throw all of these feelings into a box and never have to deal with them again.

For the next three months or so, we are in a waiting pattern.  I have to have two complete regular cycles before we try again.  And by that time we're looking at 43 for a child.  Per the helpful Internet:

The two risks that increase most markedly in your 40s are chromosomal abnormalities, such as Downy's (the risk is one in 100 at age 40 and one in 30 at age 45) and miscarriage: According to the Danish study, the risk of miscarriage reaches about 50 percent by age 42.

So, what is up with you?

Party Planning

Because my seat is near the door I've become the "official" party planner.  I like parties, and I usually have too much food.  You can't go wrong with too much food but you can go wrong with parties very easily.  First, there is nothing in this world that is universally liked by all.  Not everyone likes champagne for example, and even if you like it, you may be able to drink it.  You could be in AA or pregnant.  See the possibilities are endless for failure.  But they are also ripe with the possibilities of success. 

After a week of rain, the sun could suddenly shine for your garden party.  The shrimp sauce turns out to be the nastiest anyone has every had and now they all want your recipe.  The conversation could have just been the perfect blend of meaningless party chatter and deep introspection.  See, you just never know.

I don't have parties because I don't keep a clean house.  I have animals, old ones, and terminal case of horrid messiness.  There has never been a surface I've met that I've kept clear.  As a child and teen, I swore off tchotkes and knick-knacks only to grow into my own home full of the darned stuff.  But can you really get ride of a clay pumpkin with ears (they need to hear!) or the 1/4 size "Made in Occupied Japan" tea pot full of pennies.  These are priceless gems that inhabit my dusty shelves amid the pounds and pounds of paper that never quite makes it to the shredder or to the file cabinet. 

At work it's another story altogether.  You get to spend other people's money and someone else is cleaning.  Why is it though, that you don't get a budget until after you've made plans for a party about three, 3 times as large!?!