SueWorks

Someone I Worked With

Someone I worked with, briefly, in the growing distant past has died after a long struggle with cancer.  She was only 43, and is survived by two children, 23 and 10.  I never knew she had a child that old, or one that young.  I know little more about her.  She did like to work smart and not necessarily hard.  She was successful in her field, I imagine.  And now she's gone.

I guess that's all "they wrote."

Makes you think about what you do each and every day.  Right now I'm ready to runaway and join the circus.  There's a movie with Charlton Heston and Jimmy Stewart that takes place in a circus.  It's not such a great place after all.  I don't know if it's called Big Top or something like that and I'm not energized to Google it, but it is a good movie.  You should see it if you like older movies, Charlton Heston, Jimmy Stewart, or movies that seem to be about something happy but are not.  The circus is not an out to the problems of life.  You just get to deal with them with sawdust in your shoes and peanut shells under your nails.

Perhaps I should count my blessings instead.  I'm healthy.  There are people who love me, and people who respect me, and some of those people are one in the same.  There are people who I love and respect, both inclusively and otherwise.  Turns out I had really good parents, and still do.  I have a husband who loves me and has an incredibly kind heart.  (I'm trying to put these in some type of priority and that's hard, and telling.)  I have a sister that never ceases to amaze me.  I have great medical and dental benefits.  I have a well, good, fair paying job.  I have a nice home.  I have the friendliest, bouncy-est dog in history.  I have two of the most complex and entertaining kitties in the universe.  I have a wonderful bed; it's high and thick and needs special linens.  I have nice hair.  I have nicer nails.  I have good legs.  My body responds very well to exercise.  I have a sense of humor.  I'm intelligent and educated.  And I am growing less and less fearful everyday.

You Have to Look

It's amazing:  http://sugarveil.com/gallery/bride/sugarveil_bride.htm

Raising Other People's Children

I do not subscribe to the "it takes a Village" philosophy, not at first glance.  I do believe that we have a general responsibility to act like civilized beings and to not create an environment (ecologically or culturally) that is harmful to children. 

I do believe that people should make a conscientious (and conscious) decision when they have children, or take precautions against that occurring. 

I do believe it's unfair for my company to contribute proportionally more to families with children in regard to benefits.  Though I understand that it is a cost of doing business, and I don't want to live in China or a place like that.

I do believe that many people act as though they are entitled to extra benefits as a result of carrying a larger societal burden by having children, for example, more time off from work (which in CA is a law).

I do believe that if people took more individual responsibility, which can only be accomplished by first giving people the tools to think and act rationally on their own, the world would be a happier place.

I do believe that Craig is either calling me or planning a comment about how I'm being a "Libertarian," like him.

I do believe that I have very strong opinions and that I must never lose sight that other people have equally strong opinions.  I also believe that if my opinions do not negatively impact your opinions, we are doing just fine. 

When Good Things Happen to So-So People

I do not think in any that I am merely a so-so person.  But haven't we all engaged in so-so behaviors at times?  For example, you're supposed to be at work at 8:00 and you arrive at 9:00, stuff like that.  The punctual, or anal-retentive types arrive at 6:30.  Well, that's not me.  I try to do a good job in everything I do, I just try not to go overaboard.

As some of you know, I was involved with a very big event recently.  In fact I planned a series of meetings for a large, large number of people.  I can't go into details, first, they would bore you and second, they would bore me, but it was huge, gigantic, gi-normous even.  Well, this is the second of these things that I've done.  The first was done in consultation with many, and it generally sucked.  This second was done with minimal (like teeny-tiny) consultation, and it was splendid, lyrical, captivating, and smooth.

Moral of this story:  Make Sue "get along," the work suffers.  Leave Sue alone, she gets things done.

This is a very bad moral for a perfectionist loner.  Very bad indeed.  I can tell myself that if I had the right people with the right behaviors helping, the events would have been even smoother and I would have suffered less gray hairs.  (My hairdresser after a year of trying to get me to four week appointments instead of three, recently brought me back to three.)  At the end of the day, a much better time was enjoyed by all because I was left alone. 

Yikes!  This is scary.  Sue can't get along.  Sue plays poorly.  Or how about, Sue needs the proper talent around her.  I like that one the best.  How can I really make myself believe this is true?

TEST TEST TEST

Why are things so hard the first time and then get easier each successive time?

Exceptional Pressure

I now have a subscriber base.  Yippee!  I now have a subscriber base.  Yikes! 

My little blog will enter their email stream; it better be worthwhile, or funny, or at least slightly amusing.  The pressure is overwhelming.  All my creative energy has dissipated (that's a big assumption that there was any to begin with.) 

I'll just take a depth breath and hope my hubby does something interesting.  Well he did, sort of.  Yesterday he went to the grocery store by himself to get things for dinner.  While it might not be interesting to most, in this house it borders on the miraculous.

Blogging is Hard

I finally have my own URL and now I'm trying to get a subscription service.  It is supposed to be easy and it might be, that is, if I took the time to read the directions from start to finish before I try to make the connections.

The difficulty of blogging is that I don't have interesting things to say each day.  All that happens in your little world is not that interesting to other people.  For example, in my small universe, Saturday, June 25 includes a hair appointment, maybe a laundry stop, and a summer visitor.  I can't get into the visitor part too much because I don't have a clue what will happen.  Let me share some of the details.  She's 18, raised by overly protective but not always attentive parents.  She is not going to college after her senior year, which just ended, because she needs more units.  Another tidbit, and for So Cal a biggie, she doesn't drive.

An Opportunity

The business world now talks about "opportunities."  We used to talk about difficulties, but that sounded too hard so we started calling them challenges.  Now we have opportunities. 

My biggest opportunity in life is to let go of the fear in my public life.  My fear in my private and home life is somewhat minimal.  I am surrounded by people who love me and love is the greatest antidote for fear.  But at work, I don't love anyone.  I really think that that level of attachment is unhealthy.  Maybe it's a personal bias that is negatively impacting me, but I don't think so. 

So anyway, all this fear I feel:

Am I good enough?  I could be better.  Others are so much smarter, younger, better, healthier, prettier, etc., etc., etc. (To quote the King from Anna and the King.)

Is holding me back.  I know people who say exactly what they think and they seem to be happy and successful.  But when I say exactly what I think I come across as being hostile, authoritarian, or otherwise a b*tch.  How do I say what I mean in a way that people take well?  I am, unfortunately, surrounded by people who have that ability.  I say unfortunately because it is not a skill that is learned through mimicry or modeling, at least not for me.  So my face is continually rubbed in the fact that when I say something I have an edge and a bite.  I want to give away my bite.

Oh, and being paranoid isn't helping either.

Paralyzing Fear

When I think a task is going to be awful, hard, miserable, not rewarding in any way whatsoever, I avoid it.  I procrastinate, I hide, I forget.  The tasks that do not go away are the most horrible and the most procrastinate-able. 

But honestly, when I start breaking it down to simple pieces, it isn't so bad after all.  I always feel like I have to have all the answers.  Those people who want to see me fail expect all the answers, and they are never happy with them.  Those people who are supportive and not ego-centric realize that no one has all the answers.  It's all a process and the goal is to keep figuring out the best answers, or the best way to complete a task, or the best way to skin a cat or build a mouse trap.  Or, the best way to live a life of health, contribution and love.

I think I just went deep.

New Domain Name

I had fully expected (I'm naive, or stupid) my new domain name to be up and running today.  It's been about 10 minutes and it's still searching for www dot sueworks dot com.  When I settle down this evening I'll pour over the online resources from godaddy dot com. 

If you have any experience with them, please share.